Σάββατο, 2 Ιουνίου 2018

You have an endless empty feeling in your heart...


An empty feeling... you feel so hollow at that moment, so frozen that you can not even cry... you are at a loss for words, you feel that this is not enough to express your sadness, the sorrow you feel, the despair that you are experiencing. You wonder why, why now, why me, why this way? Why? Why? There are so many ‘why’ and it does not make any sense, not even to express them, it does not even worth it to whisper them... so you keep them deep inside you with the tears which do not have the power to come out and be shed. Just frozen as they fall on your soul they make it even more painful.

 And you feel like walking on a long and endless corridor... as if you needed it so as to give you time to think... and you realize that time stops for a while... time is already stopped... and you are stopped the way you are frozen... you don’t pain anymore, you do not think of anything... it's all empty... it's all unsavory... it's all distant...

And you just feel ... or perhaps you don’t feel anything? You feel an immense emptiness that covers everything...

This is how the loss is... you've felt it again and this is so familiar to you. But what changes every time is the tension, it's actually the degree of the emptiness you feel... but you always feel the same emptiness... the same numbness, the same feeling of wanting to run away but your legs cannot uplift your weight... and moreover, sooner or later you would understand that wherever you’ll go the loss is following you, your feelings will be present ... you can not get away from them...
 
Many thoughts surround your mind... they surround your deeper inner self.

You are thinking that the losses were always difficult... you were always hated the farewells... and let alone when you have to convince yourself about this  ‘forever’... things will be like that ‘forever’… stop hoping, stop believing that there will be a return... no, there is no return in the losses. You know that this is exactly what bothers you most... Give an end to your mind as well... because after a loss you always hope and hope... waiting for the change toward back...


Perhaps the losses are training you so as to STOP to live with illusions... everything that ends is definitive, everything is definitive after the breaking up, no matter how it pains, it makes no sense to hope... Stop trying to hope that everything will change once again and it will be like it was before...

What a lie! What a fallacy! What an illusion!!!

Just think a little of that farewell, which hurt you more. You knew it from the beginning... it all ended that day when he decided it... you saw the scenario unfolding in front of your eyes... you could not stand the role you ought to have and you just turned into a viewer... to a non-partisan and distant spectator... without emotion, without engagement, without expectations... but you still kept in hope deep inside you... though you knew.... though you knew that everything was over...

Yes, you had to compromise then... after the farewell and taking the road of the return, to try to realize it and to compromise, just to compromise... Stop giving just an extension to the pain, to experience a prolonged empty feeling... this is painful and it costs much more than an instant empty feeling... and then every time the exhaustion... the despair... the pessimism... come along.




Δεν υπάρχουν σχόλια:

Δημοσίευση σχολίου