Autism through the eyes of an adolescent with autism

Once upon a time, there was a child with autism. He had no voice, no speech, but many explosions of anger and wrath. The voice used to come to the mouth, but it never became words. He knows everything but he keeps them for himself. Only whenever and with those  he wants, he is going to communicate.

A loneliness is diffused into his inner self. A silence spreads everywhere. It spreads everywhere like a black veil that covers every normal aspect of himself. Only a small oasis of joy is given by his own people. But for them he is just an autistic child without sense and without speech. A child who feels stupid and behaves accordingly. They had never cared about how lonely he was and what he was thinking.

How do children with autism feel like and how much hidden pain is there, between behavior and feelings, between thoughts and behavior? Only one child with autism can understand this agony. Biting the hand is not a self-destructive behavior. It is a cry of anxiety and despair within the empty world of autism. The only logical self that has reacted is feeling trapped into a lonely and isolated mind that resides in an awkward and defective body.

There is just one and only escape in his mind, his imagination. The imagination that leads him to a normal state, where he looks like all the other children. He behaves like most children of his age. He speaks, he communicates. He goes out and he has got too many friends. A normal life that only his imagination can give him. A non blurry image in his imagination is the only break in his autistic life. A life full of mild pain, guilt and endless silence. All those are seen through a distorted image that is the result of the deforming mirror offered by autism.